Role Play

The role of a parent is a tricky one to play.

There are times when parents have to take on different roles for the same issue. I’m not talking the good cop bad cop role, which most children figure out at around age seven. I am referring to encouraging or discouraging children.

Parents have the responsibility to do either or both at the drop of a dime. That’s right; parents have to flip flop for the best interest of their children.

Don’t believe me? Here are two examples…

1. A parent encourages their child to play a sport but the child gets injured and the parent immediately has to change their tune and discourage their child from returning too soon from that injury. It’s a fine line. Too much discouragement may turn the child off from the sport altogether. Too much encouragement to get back on the field, and the child may rush back, not properly healed, and with a greater risk of injury.

2. Parents have to discourage their children from socializing with certain individuals yet parents encourage the same children to be free-thinkers and make up their own minds.

No one ever said parenting was easy.

Every day parents face the same scenarios I just laid out and everyday responsible parents do their best to encourage and discourage their children.

Some Figures Don't Add Up

What is a father figure?



A Father Figure? I DON'T THINK SO!



Since the news of the Penn State “situation” broke I have heard the term father figure used to describe Joe Paterno. Many of his former players have come out publicly and called Paterno a father figure.

I’m taking exception to that…

A father would never place his children in danger. A father would not turn away while a known pedophile was stalking children in his community.

There is no substitute for a father. I’m sure if Paterno’s children were attacked he would have took action (like a father should). But because his children were not attacked his duties as a “father figure” are minimal.

No clergy, coach, mentor, or other individual society has deemed as a suitable substitute should be expected to carry the responsibility of a father.

Maybe it is a bit unfair to place this pressure on one man. I mean to be a father figure to a couple of THOUSAND children is a big responsibility. And that is my point!

Instead of looking for father figures; more than ever we need fathers.

No Excuse

If you are a parent, and you have 5-10 minutes you should read the entire indictment against Jerry Sandusky, a former football coach at Penn State University. The first three pages of the Grand Jury testimony are enough to make any sane person cringe in disgust.

The fact this monster was allowed to use a charitable agency he founded to prey on young boys (some as young as eight) is inexcusable by itself. But the behavior displayed by those who are supposed to be in charge of the university is even worse!

I’m known for saying I don’t trust anyone I don’t know, and this event (although rare) is just an example of why I think this way. Sandusky is the lowest form of humanity. Individuals who decide to attack children or the elderly have no purpose on this earth (just my opinion). And those who enable these predators are just as deserving of suitable punishment.

On the surface of this complaint is a monster who lusted for young male flesh but looking deeper into the situation I see many of society’s failures.

Sandusky’s KNOWN victims were introduced to him through a foundation whose mission statement reads “help children who need additional support and would benefit from positive human interaction.” This monster had access to SEVERAL HUNDRED young boys since 1977. Many of whom were vulnerable because of social situations. Many of the young boys grew up in single parent homes (NO DAD) and were from poor backgrounds.

Because he is a threat to society, any sound minded adult knows Sandusky is SICK and needs to be in prison now. No Gray area here. When a 60-year-old man is showering with teenage boys, something is wrong. Certainly there is no logical explanation for that same 60 year old man having anal sex with a 10 year old boy. His immediate supervisor was made aware of the situation, who in turn told his supervisor, who then told his supervisor and all that happened to Sandusky was his keys were taken away. So it’s not OK to rape young boys here in school BUT it’s OK to do it on your own time? What part of ethics 101 is that?

This is a state funded institution, meaning taxpayer’s dollars were used to enable this monster. I’m sure Penn State has done enormous amounts goodwill but this is inexcusable. Everyone from the school’s president to the head football coach should be FIRED!!!!

Parents, Here is some advice…this isn’t television, this is real life and unless you have a deep personal relationship with someone, trust no one with your child’s wellbeing. Ask questions and ask the same questions again. We all know inappropriate behavior when we hear or see it.

Commitment

Com-mit-ment: noun

1. The act of committing.

2. The state of being committed.

3. The act of committing, pledging, or engaging oneself.

4. A pledge or promise; obligation.

5. Engagement; involvement.

Many of us commit ourselves to updating our facebook pages everyday, washing the car 3 times a week, and indulging in certain behavior. The list goes on and on. To be fully committed to something takes a lot of time and energy BUT if you are committed to something you love; you’ll always have plenty of time and energy.

Children’s first encounter with commitment comes from their relationship with their parents. Don’t believe me?

Just look around…

See the parent and child sitting in the library/bookstore. That child knows his parent is committed to helping him learn to read.

See the parent texting his friends while “helping” his child with his homework. That child is receiving mixed signals. So… It’s ok to text while doing homework?



"YOU SUPPOSED TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR KIDS!"



Children don’t need half-ass (excuse my French) commitments. They receive enough of those from society. Dad is not committed to his family and doesn’t come home at night. Well Dad’s children (especially boys) are going to have a difficult time learning to commit to their family and the cycle continues.

Mom is committed to going out every weekend. Well guess what mommy’s little girl is itching to do when she turns 17? I’ll give you three guesses….

Parenting is not hard; IF you are committed to doing the right thing.

I’m committed to making my child’s future brighter than my past…. PERIOD.

The One...

While I was growing up my mother would always tell me “Don’t do the crime, If you can’t do the time.”

Waaaaaaaaaaaaay back then I thought she meant the average run of the mill crime but now as a Dad I realize my mother’s words pertain to much more.

I receive e-mails and have conversations with single fathers who believe they are the “ONE”.

You know the “ONE”. We all know the “ONE”…



The Only "ONE"



The “ONE” believes he has been done wrong by everyone under the sun (his child’s mother, her mother, the system, the man) you name it they have it out for the “ONE”.

The “ONE” spends his time thinking of ways to get back at his child’s mother. Similar to a prisoner sentenced to 18 years who spends his time trying to figure a way to escape instead of contemplating what he’s going to do when he is released.

The “ONE” is stuck!!!!

The “ONE” will never admit it but he loves tension.

The “ONE” believes he is the only “ONE” who is paying child support and all the laws passed pertaining to child support have been put in place because of him.

Instead of wasting your time trying to scheme a way on how not to pay child support; Here’s an idea – Find a way to generate more income so the support payments don’t hurt as much. I’m not telling anyone to report ALL their income BUT you will pay; One-way or another.

You will be paying support to the child’s mother for AT LEAST 18 years…. You can look at it as a fine, as a bill, whatever you want to call its okay with me. So the faster you get to the point in your life when you are not thinking about the payments, the faster you can continue with your life.

One-day the “ONE” will get released back into society (looking for another woman and looking to start another family) and I hope he will have learned his lesson and if not feel free to heed some wise words from a wise woman… “Don’t do the crime, if you can’t do the time.”

NEEDS vs. WANTS

What happens when adults behave like children?

Over the past several days I have been amazed by the controversy surrounding two of my oldest friends… That’s right; Bert and Ernie.

This pseudo argument has nothing to do with children.

For the record, I believe every man and woman has the right to marry (and divorce) whom ever they choose BUT why make an attempt to sexualize every aspect of a child’s life? The answer is simple – Because they WANT to.

No one NEEDS the two best friends to get married. No child is watching PBS and wondering “A, B, C…Hmmmmmmmmmm, I wonder if Bert and Ernie are married?”

Instead a group WANTS them to get married. For no reason other than furthering their cause.

I have listened to people speak regarding why the two best friends should get hitched, and I have yet to hear anyone make a case for why they NEED to get married. I hear “because children need diversity.” Really? As if monsters, fairies, muppets, humans, and a seven-foot yellow bird living on a make-believe side street is not diverse enough.

C’mon! Enough already.

When I hear people discuss this, I feel like I’m listening to my child tell me how much he NEEDS a new X-box game. I have to correct him and try to make him understand he doesn’t NEED it; he WANTS it. Maybe when he’s an adult he will understand the difference between NEEDS and WANTS.

I have an idea… Maybe Bert and Ernie can talk about the difference between NEEDS and WANTS J.

I Say NO...

A tragic event in my old neighborhood only has reinforced my belief that as a parent it is ok to say no to your children.

The details of the child’s murder shocked me for two reasons…

One, I have a child who is close to the age of the victim, and I could not imagine what evil must run through an adults mind to hurt a helpless child in the manner.

Two, the reason why the young boy was allowed to walk home alone by himself. The reports of the boy begging him Mom to let him walk home alone saddened my heart even more. As a parent I can sympathize with the mother because I have heard it before…

“You NEVER let me do anything”

“But (insert random friend’s name here) Dad lets him (insert random act)”

The list goes on...

Sure, there is a certain amount of independence every child should have. Every child should be allowed to clean their bedroom Alone, every child should be allowed to study ALONE, and every child should be allowed to sleep in their own bed ALONE – Do you sense the sarcasm? I hope so.

It is unfortunate but these are the times we live in. I admit; tragic events that took young Leiby Kletzky away are not the norm. The facts show the odds of someone abducting and murdering your child are miniscule BUT a responsible parent should never take that bet.